I want to share with you 8 steps on how to transmute codependency into independence.
What is codependency? "Codependency is a relationship imbalance where one person enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people or things for approval and a sense of identity."
1. The first step is awareness. Do you always need to be with someone else? Do you feel bored? Do you lean on drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships to make you feel "good"? Do you go around trying to please people all the time? Do you say what the receiver wants to here instead of the truth? Have you lost your sense of identity or self? Are you experiencing mental health issues? Are you feeding into someone else's addiction or bad behavior to make yourself feel better? Are you constantly trying to fix and control things? Do you look to others for approval?
2. Learn to be okay alone. This may just take a little time or practice. Some people like to be alone more than others. Some people need more alone time than others to recharge. Other people get recharged from others. Regardless, be okay with being alone and make time for it and learn to enjoy it. Read a book, journal, take yourself out, find joy in your day, get out in nature, exercise, do yoga, meditate, take a weekend trip by yourself.
3. Know your self worth and self love. Let go of the story that you aren't worthy. It's not true. It's social conditioning passed down from generations and inherited from ancestors. You are worthy of love. You are good enough. You are exactly where you need to be. You are not the problem. You are gifted. You are unique. You are consciousness and we are one. Repeat positive affirmations back to yourself multiple times a day until you start to believe them. Write love letters to yourself every morning until you believe it. Surround yourself with people that see you and support you a 100%. Don't settle for less. You deserve it!
4. Let go of addiction. Practice presence and moderation in everything you do. Know why you do it. Feel it to heal it. Get to the root of the trauma that caused the addiction. Be gentle with yourself. Practice self love. Replace it with something healthy and enjoyable. Make small changes and take it a day at at time. Find a group to support and connect with you during this process.
5. Let go of toxic relationships. Listen to your body. If someone or something doesn't make you feel good - let that shit go. Life is too short to settle for negativity, shallowness, control, manipulation, abuse, or emotional unavailability. Surround yourself with people that vibrate at the same level as you. Watch Esther Hicks (Abraham Hicks) on youtube regarding this topic.
6. Learn the difference between transactional love and unconditional love. I will love you if you take the trash out. I will love you if you tell me nice things. I will love you if you clean the house. I will love you if you do the dishes. I will love you if... Do you get my point? That is transactional love. Transactional Love is when we give to get back something in return. When you keep tabs of what you have done for someone and get emotional when they don't do the same – more than likely you're giving to get. Most of us are guilty of doing this at some point in our lives – if we're honest. Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, or love without conditions. Love for all people regardless of their actions.
“Compassion isn’t some kind of self-improvement project or ideal that we’re trying to live up to. Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves, all those imperfections that we don’t even want to look at.” —Pema Chodron
7. Practice presence, consciousness, inner joy and inner peace. They're an inner state of being. It's a choice. You are not your emotions or your mind. Eckhart call this your pain body. You are much bigger than that. You're soul. You are consciousness. You are joy. You are peace. The mind is what tells you otherwise based on social conditioning or past experiences or limiting beliefs passed on from violent communication. Do less, be more. Read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
8. Set healthy boundaries and say no when necessary. Set healthy boundaries with others by stating your needs and feelings compassionately. Say "no" if it doesn't feel good or feels violating. Consent is important. Always ask before assuming something is okay. Know when something is out of your scope and refer out. If you don't have the energy - don't take it on. Don't take on more than you can handle. Create an energetic bubble around you to seal in good energy and seal out bad energy. If something feels to good to be true - trust that. Manipulators and energy vampires or entities are typically very charming. If you feel tired after hanging out with someone - trust that. Be careful of who you allow into your space. Trust your gut and trust your feelings. If a message comes through that doesn't feel good via text/email, etc... - trust that. If physical pain comes on suddenly and abruptly it might not be yours. Protect yourself by discharging or book a reiki session with me to clear your energy field.
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brene Brown
Would you rather be independent and lonely or codependent and lonely? I will choose independence, thank you!
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